A not-so-eloquent blog post containing some ramblings about life, society and lying on the couch.
I seem to be getting through my days relatively well until I find myself alone with my thoughts for an extended period of time. I feel like I’m just walking around in ignorance, waiting for the inevitable darkness to come flooding back and the misery to set in.
It surprises me how fast the familiar feeling of dread sets in. All of a sudden it just feels like any vitality I had in me is sucked out and I’m left an empty shell of myself. Have these feelings always been there and I’m willfully ignoring them, or are my moods really much more sporadic than I though?
Am I even evaluating them correctly? Maybe I’m just bored or impatient. Maybe this is what loneliness feels like? Maybe my default emotional position is just flat and that’s how it will always be?
It feels as if no matter what I do to distract myself, including things I find pleasurable, the effects wear off sooner rather than later and the depression creeps back in.
As if it’s always there waiting for me.
Maybe this is generally the way life feels for awhile when you’re coming out of a rough patch. Perhaps I need to give myself more time.
Anyways, lying on the couch in attempt to distract myself from The Slump, I’ve realized that I think diet culture and modern society have things backwards.
One tells us that continually eliminating things from our plates and our bellies will make us morally, physically. and emotionally superior.
The other tells us that our happier, more-fulfilled selves, lie just a certain achievement, a specific salary, or a new purchase away.
Instead of constantly taking things away from our diet and being selective about what we put in out mouths, maybe we should be more choosy about where we invest our time and energy.
Instead of constantly trying to do more, and doing it faster, and instead of trying to eat less – why don’t we do less and and eat more, and just do it all in a way that makes us happy?
I wish it were that simple.
Regardless, it definitely seems like too daunting an issue to be solved lying on the couch.