“What I will also say to anyone who is currently on this side of the recovery fence is, I see you and I want you to know that you have no idea how much strength you have. I want you to know that while it might feel like your eating disorder is who you are, in actuality it is truly the most boring thing about you. You are magic, whole and infinite. You are not broken. You are just a human trying to make your way through the insane experience of being alive. You deserve help, you deserve support, you deserve love, your deserve recovery. You can’t imagine what your life could look like on the other side of the recovery bridge, or even just a few steps onto it. The freedom you will find goes so far beyond food freedom. It is the freedom to show up in the world as who you truly are, to live the life you want to, to chase your dreams and to take the leaps you’ve always wanted to take. In time you will look at yourself in the mirror and think “oh my gosh, who is this woman”, all you need to do is keep taking that next step, one foot in front of the other, every single day.
Recovery is mostly an agonizing mix of patience and faith, an ability to sit through the truly uncomfortable with what feels like no real guarantee of an outcome worthy of leaving behind your safety blanket.
Those of us who have experienced eating disorders have taken a trip to the darkest parts of ourselves. While I’d never glamourize this darkness, there are many lessons we can learn from this experience when we start to resurface. We know ourselves in ways that many never will. We have seen the darkest parts of ourselves, the most wounded parts of ourselves and guess what? If you are reading this, you have lived to tell the tale. I have come to believe that this self-knowledge coupled with the ability to sit through unpredictability, and what often feels like free-falling, is a formidable combination.
That is why, while I think talking about the early part of recovery is incredibly important, I also think what Kaila Prins calls “discovery” is equally as vital. Discovery is the part of the recovery journey when you start to re-discover who you are, what you want, what you don’t want and what your eating disorder has taught you. It kind of feels like emerging from being underwater and taking your first really deep breath in what seems like forever. You look around you and you’re in totally unexplored territory. The world looks different and you are different and…it’s exciting! It was in this part of my recovery that I started to see that the medicine I had given myself during recovery, was the medicine I needed to give other women.”
Original post can be found here.