Learning to Trust Myself Again

I might not be able to trust that depression or anxiety won’t come knocking again. In fact, I can probably trust the opposite to be true – that I will likely always be a little more vulnerable to a lower mood and to higher levels of anxiety. But despite now knowing what the future holds, there is a point to all this effort.

I’m learning about myself and other things I can trust instead. The world is an unpredictable, confusing, and often scary place, but throughout it all I have had myself.  I think I’m so reluctant to trust others because I don’t feel worthy nor do I trust myself. I know I will be my own life-long companion so I might as well make myself the best support I can be. I deserve to trust myself.

What I can trust, is that I will cary with me the skills I’m building and the tools I’m learning to help me when change happens, because change will happen. I can trust that in practicing to be kinder to myself I am building a stronger foundation to help keep me more balanced when my demons come back to try to tear me down. I can trust that building these new habits will provide me with a different, hopefully more constructive, way to respond to the familiar obstacles I will inevitably encounter. I can trust with knowing what I know now, and more, I will be able to catch myself if I fall. I trust that what I’m learning now will help me be able to pick myself back up, since I’ve done it before.

I can trust that truly taking care of myself is never a wasted effort. I expect to feel alone sometimes, but in working on myself I hope to feel in good company. I can trust that leaning on my support system now will remind me that I will have these valuable resources in the future, and if I don’t, I’ll know where to find them.

I can trust that there is a part of me that knows what’s best, that feels what’s best, even if I don’t listen to it. I can trust that this intuition will guide me, even in the smallest of ways. I can trust that in practicing to acknowledge how it manifests, I will cultivate its growth and gradually guide myself to where I need to be.

I know it’s not going to be easy, but I can trust that there is more out there for me. I can trust that humankind didn’t evolve this far to live like this – to live teetering on the edge of suffering and apathy. Our capacity for emotion, thought, and consciousness doesn’t exist for us to just survive but rather to thrive. I can trust that it’s in my biology to feel more, to do more and to be more than “fine”.

I can trust that I am intelligent, hardworking, and I care an awful lot and that this will be true of me no matter my mood.

3 thoughts on “Learning to Trust Myself Again

  1. So Jill, give me a few context to what you wrote. Like what happened and what is happening in your life which is making you trust yourself again when its already in your beautiful self, right there. We can all see that clear like a sunny day.

    Like

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