Note to self:
I know you’re not thinking big picture, eating disorders and mental illness tend to blind you to it. But I urge you to take a step back. You don’t have to have everything figured out. You don’t actually have to have ANYTHING figured out. But let me ask you – is this what you want? This right now? Or Is there any part of you that desires something different? A part of the true you. Aside from the doubts and the illness clouding your judgement or telling you not to bother.
Is there more life you want to live? Have you ever imagined getting married? Having kids or a family? Even adopting a dog or a hedgehog? Traveling the world, maybe going grocery shopping by yourself? Pursuing a career? Reading a book? Learning something new? Do you want your illness to steal the show in these moments, or even worse, prevent you from living them? Do you want to be thinking of how many calories are in your slice of wedding cake? Do you want to remember what you ate for lunch the day you learned to drive? Isn’t there so much more you’d rather fill that mind space with!? There’s so much you can’t even imagine.
I hope you know that you deserve to enjoy all these moments from a place of freedom and well being. Even if you don’t feel like it right now. You deserve a more peaceful life beyond your struggles. There’s something out there that will make you happy. I know you may not know what it is, or even how to get there, but you’ll certainly never find it if you stay where you are. You deserve a better life. A life more full of meaning. Beyond your illness.
You can have something different. Something better.
So go for it.