“Russian Roulette”

 

You may think you feel “fine”

but you lack the capacity to truly comprehend this.

For so long you have pushed yourself past the point of “Fine”

you no longer really understand what it is.

It might have been okay if losing weight was the only consequence.

But you risk losing your friends,

your energy,

your passions, you drive, you motivations.

You risk losing your life.

and the statistics don’t lie –

one in five people with anorexia die. 

Anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder.

You don’t have to be underweight to be diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

You can die from anorexia if you are not underweight.

Anorexia can cause death by heart failure –

something you can’t see coming, but you just know it might.

something whose physical signs you have been trained to ignored.

Signs that your body is trying to hold on.

Cries of hunger, weakness, dizziness, fatigue, emotionality.

Every disordered behaviour is a gamble,

a gamble with your life.

“Its like Russian Roulette” said my therapist.

Necessarily, every bite is a battle –

every moment you choose to fight

you contribute to not becoming part of that statistic.

Recovery shows you that living for your disease

isn’t truly living,

so please don’t die for it either.

 

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