It does get better.
I know, I know. Every time someone told me that I wanted to punch them in the face.
“The audacity. How on earth can they say that me. They don’t know what I’m going through. Their world isn’t collapsing around them. They aren’t being suffocated by life. I don’t even know if I want things to get better”.
But I do know what you’re going through. Maybe not exactly, but I lived in unbearable pain. I didn’t see a way out. I thought it was over. Let me tell you that You do want things to get better. It’s Your illness doesn’t. Change threatens your illness’s way of survival, but it leads you to yours.
I’m not going to tell you that you’ll wake up one day and be cured. “Better” isn’t some arbitrary day in the future. “Better” is a journey. One you have to work for. Even if you think you don’t want to – Wouldn’t it be worth a shot? There are limitless possibilities for help out there.
Better isn’t a surprise. Healing doesn’t happen over night.
Better is waking up one morning and realizing that the first thing you think of aren’t yesterday’s regrets or tomorrows sorrows. Healing is being able to finally wash your face one day or Being able to clean your sheets and do some chores.
It’s is one day feeling like you have the energy to tackle something from your to-do list.
Better is realizing that you cancel fewer plans than you used to.
It’s a smile that sneaks up on you. Its when you realize your jaw hurts because you’re not used to what laughter feels like.
Maybe one day you remember what food tastes like. Maybe you realize that your comfort zone is growing from beyond the size of your bedroom.
Healing might mean a week, a month, or even a year from now, you have fewer outbursts and find breakdowns becoming more infrequent. Instead your days consist of more music. More books, sunshine, drinking water, taking your meds, going to therapy. Pushing when you don’t want to push. Thinking about the possibility of a future.
Better might be realizing, that somewhere down the road, the people who told you things improve were right after all. And now you can even imagine one day telling others the very same thing yourself.